5 days from now..

I'm gonna be a mommy!! Holy crap when did this happen?! I think I can officially say that I am excited. That word doesn't even really seem worthy of the feelings in my heart right now. This week has flown by. Last Friday when we scheduled the c-section, I thought for sure time would grind to a stand still, but it actually hasn't. I think being off work, Josh being back to work and the girls being with their mom this week had something to do with it. Initially I'd think this scenario would have the opposite effect! However, I've been a busy bee! Pattie and I had our 2nd installment to the quilting class last night, so I spent the week (mostly at Pattie's, in the air conditioning!) finishing up my blocks. When I wasn't doing that, I was sneaking in lunches with Josh, spending way too much time at Target and running other fun errands where normally I have 3 people (who I love) less than a step behind me asking if we are done yet! So this was like a whole new world. On top of all that, our bathroom (with the only shower!) was gutted this week! You can tell we Dix's don't like dull moments. So, needless to say, the week has flown by and I can hardly believe that next Wednesday Jack will be here. I am so thrilled words can't even describe.

So to back pedal a bit I have to tell you that I am having so much fun learning how to make my first quilt. Pattie and I left class last week with the assignment to create 36 blocks. I will post pictures soon, I promise. So last night, we showed up with our blocks and began to assemble what our quilts will look like. I think everyone, self included has stereo types about quilting and who does it.. .namely... our Grandmas. Well this just totally blew that opinion out of the water for me. I looked back and forth between Pattie's table and my table where our blocks were spread out. Pattie's looked like Pattie - these frenchy bistro sophisticated gorgeous fabrics... it's stunning! Then you look at mine, which is ALL over the place, bright colors, stripes, polka dots... I absolutely love it! So while we use the same mold... you can make it however you want, whatever you want, in any way you want. It's been SO FUN!

I'm aching to show you pictures, however I am seeking refuge at Dad and Pattie's house again today... mainly because the water is off at my house for the bathroom, and it's hotter than all hell in our house this week! I promise to take pictures tonight if my camera hasn't melted beyond oblivion so you can see how the quilt is coming along!

So, I feel all over the place with excitement and I think the scatteredness of this blog reflects that today! I'll keep you posted and hopefully fill you in a few more details before the madness begins next week!! TTFN!

A Busy Bee on Maternity Leave!

So last Friday, the 2nd, marked my last day of work. WOOOHOOOO!! I had no clue how uncomfortable I would be at work towards the end here, and am so grateful to find out that I was able to take the time off of work before having Jack as well. So, I'm home! Coincidentally, Amgen has a summer shut down the week following the 4th of July, so Josh was home with me this week too, as were the girls. We had fun! Last year we made tons of plans for day trips, etc... but that wasn't really in the cards this year. So we had fun doing lots of arts and crafts around the house, movies, park visits, etc. I think the girls were just stoked to have so much time with Josh, which always warms my heart to see.

A few other rather noteworthy things happened this week. At our doctor's appointment, we made the official decision to schedule a c-section. There are lots of reasons behind it I won't bore you with but I will tell you that I left the doctor's office feeling the best I've felt emotionally in a long time. I can be honest and tell you that during this entire pregnancy I had only viewed a c-section as the "what they have to do if something doesn't go as planned" option and that is as far as my mind went. But having that become a possible reality and going thru the roller coaster of making the decision, I was immediately confident as we walked to the car that this was the right decision for Jack and I. I can't explain it other than it just feels right in my gut... and that I have slept better than I have in weeks! So I'm goin with it and not lookin back! So.... I bet you are wondering when the big day is! Assuming everything goes as planned, baby Jack's birthday will be July 21st!!! Mind you, 2 days short of being a Leo (like his mama) which I selfishly wanted, but what can you do! We are SO EXCITED I can't even tell you how impossible it feels to get thru these next 11 days!!

One thing I strategically planned for in hopes that it would offer a much needed distraction to get thru the last few days... was the quilting class! Remember? This was the class Pattie and I signed up for together about a month ago that I've been way excited to go to. Well it was this week! I started to get nervous that I was a little too confident in my very beginner sewing skills. Just looking at all of that fabric I was not convinced that someone was going to easily be able to help me make heads or tails of it. Boy was I wrong. Within minutes, the teacher was breaking it down in such a way that I saw the light! It all makes perfect sense. Now I"m not saying that mine will look perfect, I get the concept just find, the execution is what needs practice, haha! But Pattie told me something right away.. a saying she actually has on the wall above her sewing machine at home: Finished is better than perfect! So I'm keeping that mentality in mind and having a blast. I'd rather finish and see what I would want to different the next time then get frustrated and leave it half done. So far I've burned thru half of my "homework" to have finished before our follow up class next week. I'm having a blast, it's so fun!! As it starts to come together I will post pictures of my progress because lets be honest, you can't wait to see!! :)

I think that catches you up on the big things this week!! Josh goes back to work on Monday, and the girls go to their mom's tomorrow... so I'm sure I'll post again with less of a gap as the last time. Stay tuned!!

OK Brain, it's a little too late for this.

I'm closing in on my due date, and I couldn't be happier, I am so excited. So why is it that the mind games start now? In "What To Expect When Your Expecting" they pin pointed this exact thing happening to exactly right now so I'm not sure why I'm surprised, I guess I just thought, as usual these stereotypes wouldn't include me. (Wrong again!)

It started this morning, at my doctor's appointment. They were running behind so we spent a while in the waiting room. There was a woman I'd guess around 5-6 months pregnant who also had a little girl in a stroller. I am horrible guessing ages, so I'd say I'd be surprised if she was much older than 2. So being the natural nosey parker that I am, I was watching them. Mom was reading a magazine while girl was being a ham, seeing that she had my eye. Eventually she got restless (hell, we were too, they were REALLY behind) and she began crying. Don't misread me, I'm not getting a twitch from her crying, its kids, its part of life, we've dealt with the girls crying before, I'd never give a dirty look over that. So mom handed her a few things before she finally decided one would suffice... water in a sippy cup. I then watched for the next 10 minutes while she sprinkled everything around her with water... and I'm sorry, thats when I began to twitch. Mom didn't even seem to notice. So I started wondering... am I just that uptight that I would make her stop? Am I out of line for thinking that it's rude shes watering the couch, floor and magazines at the doctors office? Will my opinion change on this once Jack is born? Will just the fact that he's not crying outweigh my original thoughts of what he should or shouldn't be doing? Am I gonna be that no fun parent that says stop it to everything? My brain is going this fast when they call us back. Great, first big seed of doubt.

Next, I won't bore you with the details but my weekly check to see how things are progressing was still painful even though the ultrasound earlier in the week revealed everything is OK. It ended up getting us into a deep conversation with the doctor on the possibility of an elective C-Section. It's in my nature to share (hello, welcome to my blog) so it comforts me to hear several opinions when I'm harboring a large decision. So I start calling out to family, and admittedly am surprised. Not hurt or in disagreement, just surprised. You have your own image of yourself, everyone does - how you feel you are, how you act, etc. I've always thought I have a steady tolerance for pain, given the things I've experienced. The overwhelming consensus from just about everyone is that I in fact do not. Me? A whimp? Wait - no I'm not. I'm tough chick that can handle anything, who kills spiders and pulls monsters out from under beds and kisses booboos better. Well those are all great and true... but a lot of that is in magical fairy la la land. I don't disagree with the general public on this one I guess I just never saw myself that way and in all honesty, its disappointing. Big seed of self doubt number 2.

At the end of the day does it matter if I'm a whimp? No of course not.... is it fine to stay in my magical la la land where I kick ass and protect everyone... lol, sure! Why not? Am I going to be one of those moms who says stop it to everything.. I sure hope not.... but these are all things I have to experience to find out, so I can take these seeds of self doubt and plant them and hide behind them or I can push thru and find out for myself just how tough I am and what kind of mom I will be. Wish me luck!