9:34am (because I actually LIKE to sleep at night)

Doing my dutiful duty..... I am copying. It's more.... in response... playing devil's advocate? However you want to see it. My dear friend Gina posted a blog about how when you turn 26 you start dying. So what do you make of your life. I'll admit I have brief moments of "omg, I am 24, its not old, but I have been on this Earth for 24 years. What have I done with myself? What do I WANT to do, is there time?" and I go into a full fledged 30 second panic attack before I tuck those dandy little thoughts right into that "I can't deal with this" corner of my brain, and go back to my world of bliss.

Sure, there is always the "go back to school route"... but just as I was warned so many times, once you leave its so hard to go back... I find it hard, not impossible, but hard to see where I would have time right now to fit school in. Don't hear me wrong, it's no excuse. I know if I REALLY wanted to do it, it would work, I get that. But at this point my opinion is, I want the piece of paper that says "Degree in blah blah blah" for the main reason of advancing in my career. Duh you say? Well hang on. I read Gina's blog, and yes, I do love her little Peter Pan mentality that if she keeps picking further degrees and stays in school she'll "still be a kid" (albeit, a kid older than me HAHA!) but, there is also a passion in Gina's decision to move forward with nursing school. Gina has always talked about feeling a need to serve a purpose to help others, its embedded strongly in her. I however, do not have that. LOL selfish right? No I'm not talking about the overwhelming need to help others. I'm not a mean person of course I'm always willing and find it fulfilling to help. I'm talking about the passion on her decision. she knows, dead on, thats what she wants. There is nothing I can say that about career wise right now. So that makes me linger. I keep waiting for it to slap me on the forehead.... how much longer do I wait?

On the flip side, Josh and the girls have shown me there is SO much more to life than work. So my trade off right now, in not taking the time to go to college and work full time, is that my time home, is so precious and valuable to me. Do we start dying at 26? Maybe, I don't know... can't really change it if I cared right? I'd rather think of it in terms of you are now old enough to begin planting the seeds to pass the torch. Yesterday, Josh and I bought Math Bingo for Kali (omg we are so nerdy, when did this happen) because they say kids loose SO much during summer months. Sure enough it took her a few minutes to remember how to multiply but while I sat there watching her 8 year old brain process the question and work through to get the answer, it was neat. You just realize how much potential this new canvas of a brain has. Kali is one smart cookie, and I see how far she can go in the world, just as I'm sure my Dad saw in me.... so maybe I'm just over thinking this and I need to let whats going to happen, happen and realize I am already on my path, and still have so many more miles to burn.

How funky is your chicken....

I am in a funk. Before I get on my soapbox, let me tell you I know I am lucky to have my job, let alone the job that I have at the company it's at. We have more perks than most can boast (haha that rhymed), and I have an awesome boss. The first year in my current job was fast paced, challenging and rewarding. Even I'm annoyed with how much I sound like a poster child. But since the company took a hit, belts have been tightened. I'm not complaining about the few perks we lost, we are still spoiled. But where it actually sucks the most, is that there are no new projects. The way that trickles down to me, is no new opporunities, no ways to expand my skillset, very predictable mundane workdays. (anyone that keeps track of how often I log into facebook during the week, or how great my farm is doing in FarmTown knows this is easily true). It makes me nervous becuase I feel expendable. How do I justify my job if I'm not doing anything above and beyond, critical to the company? It is NOT a good feeling. Not to sound like a goody tooshoos, but I like that challenge, I'd so rather be busy. So, as a result, I just have no desire to go to work and thats just not fun for anyone. I hope it picks up soon.

What I've decided to do is just try to think ahead, whether its later this week, next week, next month, next year... as to what I KNOW is coming up thats exciting and focusing on that. Whats next you ask? Well since you are dying to find out, let me tell you.. ready.....Gina is coming to visit!!!!! Hooooooooray! We have started making a list of all the reasons this visit will be so fun. Wanna hear it:

- Neither of us have hung out since we can drive, so this will be our first, most likely humorous time alone in a car together
-Gina and I both get to be around someone as equally annoying as the other and don't have to worry about getting on eachother's nerves
-As a result, we get to drive Josh completely insane
-Several consequitive days and nights of drinking and binge eating in our moomoo's (although I admittedly don't have one and need to purchase one before she comes!)
-Shopping Sprees - one which will consist of going to the Big Lots in the ghetto to buy pink flamingos for the yard
-THE BEACH!
-Staying up till the wee hours talking like we used to on the tailgate on Dorena
-Bonfires in the backyard
-and bestest of all getting to see my best friend in the whole wide world :) Don't worry, I'm not getting all mushy on you, Gina and I have the kind of relationship where we won't hug, I'll shove her and call her a bad name for taking so long to get here :)

So screw work, I'm excited for my friend to get here in a few weeks!