OK Brain, it's a little too late for this.

I'm closing in on my due date, and I couldn't be happier, I am so excited. So why is it that the mind games start now? In "What To Expect When Your Expecting" they pin pointed this exact thing happening to exactly right now so I'm not sure why I'm surprised, I guess I just thought, as usual these stereotypes wouldn't include me. (Wrong again!)

It started this morning, at my doctor's appointment. They were running behind so we spent a while in the waiting room. There was a woman I'd guess around 5-6 months pregnant who also had a little girl in a stroller. I am horrible guessing ages, so I'd say I'd be surprised if she was much older than 2. So being the natural nosey parker that I am, I was watching them. Mom was reading a magazine while girl was being a ham, seeing that she had my eye. Eventually she got restless (hell, we were too, they were REALLY behind) and she began crying. Don't misread me, I'm not getting a twitch from her crying, its kids, its part of life, we've dealt with the girls crying before, I'd never give a dirty look over that. So mom handed her a few things before she finally decided one would suffice... water in a sippy cup. I then watched for the next 10 minutes while she sprinkled everything around her with water... and I'm sorry, thats when I began to twitch. Mom didn't even seem to notice. So I started wondering... am I just that uptight that I would make her stop? Am I out of line for thinking that it's rude shes watering the couch, floor and magazines at the doctors office? Will my opinion change on this once Jack is born? Will just the fact that he's not crying outweigh my original thoughts of what he should or shouldn't be doing? Am I gonna be that no fun parent that says stop it to everything? My brain is going this fast when they call us back. Great, first big seed of doubt.

Next, I won't bore you with the details but my weekly check to see how things are progressing was still painful even though the ultrasound earlier in the week revealed everything is OK. It ended up getting us into a deep conversation with the doctor on the possibility of an elective C-Section. It's in my nature to share (hello, welcome to my blog) so it comforts me to hear several opinions when I'm harboring a large decision. So I start calling out to family, and admittedly am surprised. Not hurt or in disagreement, just surprised. You have your own image of yourself, everyone does - how you feel you are, how you act, etc. I've always thought I have a steady tolerance for pain, given the things I've experienced. The overwhelming consensus from just about everyone is that I in fact do not. Me? A whimp? Wait - no I'm not. I'm tough chick that can handle anything, who kills spiders and pulls monsters out from under beds and kisses booboos better. Well those are all great and true... but a lot of that is in magical fairy la la land. I don't disagree with the general public on this one I guess I just never saw myself that way and in all honesty, its disappointing. Big seed of self doubt number 2.

At the end of the day does it matter if I'm a whimp? No of course not.... is it fine to stay in my magical la la land where I kick ass and protect everyone... lol, sure! Why not? Am I going to be one of those moms who says stop it to everything.. I sure hope not.... but these are all things I have to experience to find out, so I can take these seeds of self doubt and plant them and hide behind them or I can push thru and find out for myself just how tough I am and what kind of mom I will be. Wish me luck!