My First Craft From A Blog

So last week there were about 4 or 5 blogs that really caught my attention. I spent a ridiculous amount of time going thru all the different posts, ooohing and aaahing over everything, and decided on this craft to try first... it seemed the least intimidating! I got the idea from The Bird's Papaya, here's the post that convinced me to try it: Jute Twine Vase. If you have some time, just scroll thru her postings, everything is sooo adorable!

You'll have to excuse my pictures, I had all good intentions of taking some good shots in the afternoon sun... but by the time we got Jack home, dinner made, cleaned up a bit... it was 8pm. I tried for some mood lighting... but that just looked cheesy! So... here's the pic I sent from my phone to my friend to show her. (please feel free to ignore the mess on my sewing desk!)

Here's a close up in some super bad lighting, but it helps give you the general idea. I'm simply in love with this and at a high risk of having twine covered bottles all over my house in a very short amount of time!

Jack, Jack... the Pumpkin King...

So we are big Disney buffs, with kids, it's sorta mandatory. One of our favorites is The Nightmare Before Christmas, and you can imagine with the arrival of Jack, we've had lots of Jack Skellington references. I fully plan to force him into a Jack Skellington costume soon enough (once he's willing to wear a mask) and naturally I'll dress up as Sally! :0) ya ya, I know.

Anyway, the girls seem to be going thru a phase of the hallway seeming dark and scary at night lately. I remember being a kid, and running down the hall, across the kitchen and dining room into my sister's room to ask her to go to the bathroom with me at night when I was scared. Never mind you, the bathroom was literally across the hall from me. It was totally rational to me at the time!

Back to the girls... we were at a Halloween store last weekend (got Jack's first costume, I can't WAIT to reveal that!) and they had this adorable nightlight. I hope the girls like it when they come this weekend!

I want to be a craft blogger person!

We need an official name here folks, I'll take any suggestions. As I mentioned last week, I discovered (How did it take me this long?) the wonderful world of craft bloggers. I am so inspired by all these women (Sorry, haven't found a dude yet, so I will generalize and say women) who create such neat, personal things that make their houses homes. This is a big deal for me.... it's something I place a lot of value in. You know that feeling you get when you've been away from your home for a while for whatever reason and all you want is just to be home? Then you get there and all the comforts and familiarities wrap around you like a warm cozy blanket? Anytime I add something to my home, I'm hoping I'm adding to that feeling for myself, and my family.

Anyway, the best part about all these friendly faces is that they are just as excited as I am to share, and to learn. Everyone is willing to spill their secrets and show you how easy something that looked so hard actually was. I've already made 2 things that I pulled from these awesome sites, and I'm going to spill my guts about it in a blog tomorrow.. I just need to go home and take pics tonight! You know me, whats a blog without pictures... they give such a better visual than my rambles. I hope you give my two cents back to the craft blogger community and post my trials and tribulations in my home decorating adventures. Hopefully I'll actually get some readers! Wish me luck.



Pattie sent me this picture of Jack yesterday... makes my heart smile!

Ohhhhhh I got the craft itch

I don't know if you noticed, but I added a lot of buttons to the page (scroll down, to the right) of some craft blogs I have recently stumbled on and have spent a ridiculous amount of time going thru, looking at all of the great ideas these women have come up with. I've started to print the ones I like, and am making a folder to keep at home, so that in the event I magically have some spare time, I can make a few of these!

I've just really been struggling with deciding what to spend my time on since going back to work. Every night of the week I'll look up at its already 7:30... and it just bums me out because half the night is already gone. There have been some (shhh, don't tell Josh) signs that we are indeed growing up. Josh and I are TV Junkies.. theres no use denying it. We may or may not have even made spreadsheets in the past of the fall line up to make sure we didn't miss shows. That was before the days of TiVo and DVR... now we are even more insane about it. However, this fall TV season I'm realizing... it's not as worth it. I'm beginning to feel like rather than veg in front of the TV, we'd rather spend a few hours with Jack before he falls asleep. (duh, right?) Theres also many more things I'd rather do in that little time after Jack falls asleep and I've still got a good hour or two before I pass out from sheer exhaustion. So... I'm not sure which ones yet, but we'll be letting go of some of our fall line up, in fair trade for crafts for me, and other hobbies for Josh. How adult of us. :)

My Stuff Bags Foundation

A few days ago one of the ACs (Admin Coordinators for you non Amgen readers) set up a volunteer day for us to go to. I'm actually incredibly embarrassed to admit I know very little of what is in the area in regards to volunteer assistance programs, what companies are out there, etc. Sure makes me feel a bit self absorbed to admit that! But, it is what it is for now. Anyway, she sent us to this place called My Stuff Bags Foundation. It's actually kinda cool, but sad too. They make care bags for kids, infants to teens, who have been pulled from their homes by child services and are sort of in that limbo state where the courts haven't decided what to do with them. The woman explained most kids are pulled in the night by surprise so the parents don't take them and run. The result of that is they have none of their belongings. So these bags are filled with a blanket, stuffed animal, and age appropriate items for them.. coloring books, reading books, games, etc. After giving us the lay of the land, we got lined up in an assembly line and began stuffing. I looked down, in my bin of stuffed animals were 500 "Spirit" horse stuffed animals. I just wanted to cry. Mackenzie has the same stuffed animal. She is obsessed with horses and went thru a phase where the only movie she would watch was the Spirit movie. I could close my eyes and picture her bed, half full (I'm not joking) of stuffed animals, Spirit right in the middle of it. Our girls have been thru a lot, but they have a home where they are safe, loved and not alone. These bags are going to kids who will feel like no one cares, they've been left alone, with nothing but the clothes on their backs. I wish I could crawl into these bags, and go on the journey with them, hugging these kids, and telling them everything will be ok and they aren't alone. I just can't imagine any child going thru this.. and yet thousands do every day.

One of the things the volunteer told us they are most short on, is blankets. On their website is a simple way to make fleece blankets. I can't tell you how many times I've gone to Joanns and walked by the clearance table to see tons of fleece marked down for quick sale. I plan to keep my eyes out next time and buy a bunch... it's one of those things I could do while sitting in front of the TV at night and probably bust about 20 blankets in a week's time. With their goal being 30,000 bags a year, 20 bags isn't much, but it's a start. If you are interested in the foundation, here is their link: http://www.mystuffbags.org/

Let the worrying begin.... I sense a long road with this one.

Ask any parent, and they will tell you that from the minute their child is born, you'll never stop worrying about them. I had no idea how true this would be. It's not like a constant state of fear... but he is 100% always in the back of my mind. I've patted myself on the back up until now because I feel I've been pretty level headed about things. I haven't had sleepless nights where I am sneaking into his room 100 times to check that he's breathing or anything like that. Then I had this dream - nightmare the other night, and it has changed everything.

In the dream, I was giving Jack a bath just like we do now. He has a mesh baby tub, so we fill our tub up with just enough water that he can dab his toes into it while he sits in his bath. However, in the dream for some stupid reason I left the bathroom while he was in it and when I came back he was floating in the water. I was screaming for Josh but he couldn't hear me. I grabbed Jack, ran to find Josh and he smacked Jack on his back and his eyes popped open but they were black and glossy. It still gives me the chills to picture it. I woke up screaming Josh's name. Even now, days later, I feel a pain my chest just imagining this happening. Even though I know it was just a dream, it makes me feel sick thinking about it. Well, ever since this dream, I have caught myself having unrealistic worry moments about him. At night, I've not been sleeping well because my eyes pop open and I'm convinced I just heard something on the baby monitor and then I sit there in silence staring at the little green light waiting to see if it waivers. This is just getting ridiculous. He's fine and I need to realize that. I refuse to turn into one of those paranoid moms who refuses to have a toaster in the house because it causes more deaths per year than shark attacks. (apparently this is true!)

I'll deal with legit worries.. first day of school, first day he drives, first day he gets his heart broken... those are ones you sorta have to go through, they are like notches in life. Hopefully I can return to my level-headedness soon.. I'm too tired already to not be sleeping at night!!

Our "green" craft day

Ever since I bit the bullet and started using my sewing machine, I've become more confident in trying new things. I've got 2 partial quilts under my belt (and the instructions on how to finish them, finally! I can't wait to give it a shot!) as well as a few other projects. I made a new cover for Jack's boppy pillow. I am completely perplexed on how a baby item has the most stiff and uncomfortable cover on it. So I found a flannel material and it is much softer now! I give myself a pat on the back because that's a hard shape to do!

Anyway, fast forward to this weekend, and the girls and got busy with some "green" projects. Josh and I aren't huge tree huggers, but we try to do what we can. We are pretty diligent about recycling and not wasting water that kind of stuff. In the last year we jumped on the reusable grocery bag band wagon and stopped using so many plastic bags at the store. Well, it kind of opens your eyes to things you are wasteful about. Every morning we pack up milk and cereal to bring to work. So every morning I fill up a zip lock baggie with cereal, just to toss it an hour later once I've eaten. Seems a bit like a waste to me... and as much as I like to recycle I'm not big on reusing 'disposable' items either... I don't want to be that creepy person in the office with a zip lock baggie she's been using for 3 months and its crusty and gross. So call me a bit superficial, whatever LOL. ANYWAYS... that lead me to google "reusable sandwich baggies.." well who knew there was a whole market out there for that! Low and behold.. we made our own!

Once I had one under my belt, the rest came together quickly, and the girls love any opportunity to pick out some fabric and use the sewing machine. This offered great practice for them, straight lines are a cinch! They are lined with a water proof vinyl sort of material, and have a velcro closure. It's way easy to turn them inside out and wash them.

Another item I feel like I waste is produce bags at the grocery store... half of them I fill at the store just to empty into the fruit basket as soon as I get home. I started to reuse them at the store.. but again.. it just felt kinda icky. So sure enough I googled that and found an easy pattern. I like that I can make them any size... to fit an apple or two, or a stalk of celery. If they get mucky, I can just toss them in the wash!

So I don't think my little craft projects are going to stop global warming or end all of our problems but I think every little thing you do helps in its own tiny way, and if you end up doing lots of little things.. it's still better than doing nothing!

Besides.... its a fun excuse to make things :)

Acceptance

So as I'm sitting here with an hour to go to finish my first week back at work, I think I've finally accepted that this is my new reality. As much as I want to kick and scream to not have to be here and spend this precious time with Jack, I understand that I can't. I also understand I'm not the first, or the last parent to go thru this, and if they have all survived .... chances are I can too!

All in all actually being at work wasn't so bad. The days went fairly fast (except for today.. dang Fridays.) I will admit it was when I was home that it would kind of overwhelm me. I'd look at Jack and my heart just feels like someone is squeezing it in a not nice way when I think about just how badly I actually missed him that day. Thursday was the hardest because I went to see Phantom of the Opera (more on that in a bit) and essentially didn't see him all day. I came home, picked him off of Josh (they were snuggled up on the couch waiting for me to come home) and just cried while I held him. I think though you have to go thru these motions in order to get past them. So I try not to think to hard about it at work, so I can keep it together. I'm ok with sitting in the dark, on the couch, holding my sleeping baby and letting the tears flow for a minute. I know it will be ok!

I looked around the house for a minute this morning and just thought... My God. What happened? When I was home all day, I'd pat myself on the back for being able to multi task while being with Jack and still keeping the house in check. Well, that went out the window. Trying to create a new routine including baby and work... a little harder than I thought. I'm shocked at how fast the days go. Even with all the planning in the world the night before, the mornings are rushed and chaotic... and by mid week we were so exhausted that the planning the night before wasn't really happening, so those mornings were even more mayhem. Add to that, our week was a little out of the ordinary anyway. Wednesday Josh and I took a half day off of work to head down to Long Beach for Back to School Night. The girls have tough teachers this year, I'm excited for them though, it will be interesting to see how they react to teachers that keep them in check! So it was a late night getting home Wednesday. Then, as I mentioned earlier Thursday, Amy and I went to see Phantom of the Opera. O.M.G. .. it was A-MAZING!!! It was everything I'd hoped it would be!! However, what I had not hoped for was the 101 being shut down from an accident and Amy and I sitting there not moving for 40 minutes. That meant I didn't crawl into bed until a quarter to one. This all equals a very tired Megan. No rest for the weary though... as I write this Josh is on his way home from picking up the girls for the weekend... and since we get so little time with them, we end up jamming quite a bit into the time we do have.... never a dull moment!

So.... this is my reality and there may be parts I wish I could change but I think its important to always have things to strive for, otherwise you'd stop having that drive to work hard everyday. So right now, my goal is to get into a job where I can join the flex (work from home) program at work. I'll be excited to see what my next goal will end up being after that one! Wish me luck!

Wait.. no! This Sucks!

I can officially say it is awful being back at work. I mean that in no offense to my work people because all my complaining aside, I actually have a really good work environment... it's just still slow. (To give you an idea I was caught up on all my e-mails from being gone for nearly 3 months before lunch on my first day back.) But oh. my. god. I miss Jack. It's different than anything else I've ever missed before. I feel like my heart is literally breaking. Specially since, I was so caught up in how painful it was for me, it really didn't dawn on me that he'd have an adjustement period too. He doesn't seem to be able to get into a good deep sleep yet this week and the result is, we get home, he gets comfortable and passes out. NO! I just got home! Stay awake! Lets play! Oh it kills me. I cried for days leading up to going back. It suprised me that while at work, I seem to be OK. It's when I'm with him again that all the emotions come back up. I went to go say good night to him one more time last night and just burst into tears... I changed a mear 2 diapers... fed him one... ONE bottle that day. It just doesn't feel right at all. I know this is part of life and I'm not the first, nor the last parent to deal with this. But frankly, that doesn't soften the blow one ioda!

So since I can't change that... I'm trying to focus on why I'm at work, in the literal sense. One day Josh and I want to be able to buy a home... if I advance out of my position one day I'll be (and hopefully Josh will be, too) eligble for the flex program, which allows you to work half the week from home, which would mean we could be with Jack more, and if the girls came to school here, we could be there in the afternoons with them. We work for our lives with our familes... Christmas presents, summer vacations, college funds... I've got to focus on the big picture here, and hopefully it will make the time I am with Jack that much more special.

Back To Reality...

Next week.. gulp.. I go back to work. To say I don't feel ready is an understatement. There is not an ounce of me that feels ready to leave this little guy for 8 hours of the day. We are lucky enough that he'll be with family (Grandma Tino, and Nana.. aka Pattie) so that softens the blow... but it's tuggin at my heart strings. I'm not really in the mood to talk about that.... so I'll kind of dance around that subject because it is the ultimate reason for this post.. you'll see what I mean.

In preparation for the topic-not-to-be-named, I pulled out my work clothes a few weeks ago. Well. That was a blow to my ego! As I stood there looking at 5 pairs of pants that wouldn't button piled on my bed... all the 'You are pregnant.. have another scoop" and "eating for 2" ... or my favorite "I deserve this..." moments are rushing back to me, as I smack myself upside the head.. stupid stupid stupid! On top of that, my doctor also told me to take it easy for the first 6 weeks, don't rush back into anything, exercise or dieting.. my body needed to rebuild a lot of strength so now wasn't the time to cut calories. Fair enough, but the ice cream fairy still made several deposits at my house in those 6 weeks. My bad. The last 8 weeks have flown by. On top of just getting used to life with a baby, every other week the girls were here for summer break. I felt so blessed to be able to be off of work and spend the time with them, but I will be the first to admit my hands were jam packed full. So whats the first thing to go out the window? Healthy eating. It was way easier, those weeks especially.. to either get take out or just make something quick from a box.. that wasn't healthy. Call me a bad step-mommy... I can take it...sure in a perfect world I would have made us all balanced meals 3 times a day.. but the reality is, I was too freakin tired! So bite me. :)

Anyway, now that I've filled you up with my excuses, let me assure you, I'm done with those and am finally putting things into action. This week I have started exercising... alternating between Biggest Loser workouts on the Wii Fit (they kick my ass to next Tuesday!) as well as getting back into my neighborhood walks that I love and missed so much. (I'm actually not being sarcastic there!) It feels good to sweat and feel like I'm doing something healthy for my body. I feel like I've been sedentary for way too long. On top of that... we've also jumped (it took a few tries) back onto the weight watchers bandwagon. It's tried and true and has worked for us in the past... it just took us a while to be strong enough to stick to it! But now that we are seeing results... some of us faster than others (I hate you Josh) we are committed. So in light of our new found commitment... check out these 3 new recipes we tried this week and loved!

Sausage-Fennel Subs

These were a tad bit high in the world of points (9pts per sub) but worth it, in my opinion.. plus, this came together in less than 20 minutes!! You can't beat that for practicality!

Mongolian Beef

This was another super quick dinner, which is always a perk. Warning: if you are sensitive to spice, the chile paste with garlic goes a loooong way! Super yummy though!

Yolanda's Famous Chicken

I don't know who Yolanda is, but she makes some bad ass chicken. At first, I was a tad under impressed with the seasonings.. but each bite I took, it just got better and better. I'm thinking its all in the way its cooked.. I have never fried a chicken breast on the stove and had juice squirt out when I jabbed my fork into it. I'm usually cursed with dry chicken.. so I am SOLD on this!

Anyway, those are my offerings to you for now... next week should be challenging... with my daily routine taking a huge turn (in the wrong direction, if you ask me! Bah!) Wish me luck... and not just on the WW stuff.

Still Here!

Ok so maybe I made a bunch of empty promises about writing blogs all the while I was on maternity leave and then I never did. But can you blame me?! Rest assured, I go back to work a week from tomorrow (kill me now) and I will have lots of time (assuming work is still slow) to catch you up on all sorts of things!

I honestly can't believe Jack is 8 weeks old this week. It has gone so fast, just like everyone warned me it would. But I'll tell you, I have absolutely loved every minute of it. I don't think I realize how tired I am. I'll be going through one of my normal days home, revolving around when Jack is hungry, wants to play, wants to sleep, and plan things in between. I will feel like man I have GOT this! I could so do this stay at home mom stuff. Then Josh comes home from work and I run an errand and I'm standing at the check out counter wondering why the credit card machine won't accept my driver's license as a form of payment. It's a whole new level of tired I didn't even know existed! But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Among the millions of things I have been blessed with in this experience so far... knock on wood so I don't jinx this.. Jack has slept thru the night the last 4 nights now. I'm talkin around 8pm to 6-7am... UNREAL! He went from waking up at 2am and 5am, to just waking up at 4am.. and now this. The first night it happened I woke up at 5:45 am flying out of bed thinking the monitor was broken or something was wrong because Jack hadn't woken up yet. But alas I opened his door and there he was, sound asleep, fists above his head (his favorite sleeping position). If he can keep this up it will help Josh and I out tremendously, specially when I go back to work!

I have managed to sneak in a few craft projects in these weeks home. The infamous polka dot quilt that Pattie and I were making is coming along great. It's on hiatus until our additional class we talked the teacher into giving us happens in October. I am so so so pleased with how it looks so far, I can't wait to be able to use it!

I've also ventured into a new thing in the sewing world - using a pattern. I have never tried to follow along and put something together, let alone something with a zipper, so I was a little intimidated. But alas, in about 2 hours I had created something! We use Jack's boppy pillow in a lot of ways, but I wasn't overly crazy about the cover that came with it. I looked up alternate covers, and they all were at least $25. Sure enough, good old google brought me to this adorable blog, www.vanillajoy.com that had step by step instructions that lead me on my way! I am so stoked with how it turned out!

Well I'm amazed that its 10pm, I've had a glass of wine, am still awake, and have managed to write a blog that might actually make some sense. So if I still have any readers that might be checking, thanks for sticking around and hearing what I have to say in my little world!!

Jack's here!!

I've read more birth stories than you could possibly imagine and now I feel like I have entered a secret society, and it's finally time for me to get to share mine.

I really thought the night before our scheduled c-section would be impossible to get through, but oddly enough it wasn't. I worked ferociously on my quilt, getting as much done as I could (I got quite far thank you!) and before I knew it, it was almost midnight and I was stuffing my face with the last morsels I could before my doctor-ordered-cut-off-from-food-before-surgery began, and then I was ready for bed. The next morning wasn't as easy to get through! Our bathroom was still being remodeled so once everyone was up, we packed up our shower stuff and headed over to Grandma Tino's where I got ready. I was really emotional. All the sudden I had this overwhelming feeling that I would miss being pregnant terribly. I cried in the shower: This was my last pregnant shower. I cried getting dressed: this was the last time I would wear this dress pregnant. Little didn't know I what was so close on the other side was going to be way better! FINALLY it was 11:15 and Josh and I were giving the girls hugs and heading to the hospital. Every step I took felt surreal.. I just kept thinking it's almost time. He's going to be here!!

We ran into a hiccup while doing the paperwork for admittance. She finished up and said "ok you are scheduled for 3, come back at 1:30." Ahhh no we aren't! We are scheduled for 1:30, and due to come in, NOW! So we stepped outside and called my doctor's office. Ten minutes later her nurse called me back and said go back in, they are ready for you! Then the whirlwind began. A nurse got us settled in a room, asked a bunch of questions and said it would be a few minutes. The next thing I knew, they were having me walk to the OR room to get an epidural. This was the only part where I got a little scared because Josh wasn't allowed to come with me and all the sudden I felt very alone. However, I had a really nice nurse (ya for awesome nurses!) and it really didn't hurt to get the epidural. As soon as he was done, they flew into action, and the next thing I knew Josh was standing there in scrubs, camera around his neck and holding my hand. 5 minutes later, I heard Jack cry for the first time and my eyes just filled with tears instantly. (They are now, too, as I write this.) I will never ever in my life forget that moment and how amazing it was.

Backtracking a little - it was almost funny from my perspective because I could not feel anything and all I could hear was my tiny doctor (they had to provide a step stool for her) grunting and panting and all these comments that wow he's big.. man he's really in there. All along my doctor had estimated he'd be around 7 lbs, but he was a whoppin 9 lbs 2 oz! I think if it was acceptable she would have straddled me to get him out! Either way she did an awesome job.

The next few days morphed into one. The nurses continued to be awesome and every few hours I felt better than the hour before. In the mornings Josh came and we had about 3 hours just the three of us and it was really nice to have that. Then from noon to 8pm we had a steady stream of visitors and Josh left to have dinner with the girls and would come back with them until 8. Then, selfishly was another favorite part of the day for me. Jack and I were on our own. I'd lay him to the side of me in bed and just watch him for hours. The nurse always left the door cracked for me so I could hear life beyond our room but other than that I kept the lights low, and the TV off and Jack and I just stared at each other (or at least he stared at a blurry version of me).

Since coming home from the hospital, our lives have changed dramatically. Our routines, needs, desires... everything is in a new perspective. It was incredibly hard to wave goodbye to Josh after being home for just two days and he had to go back to work. I was grateful for Pattie to be here that morning because I was a wreck! There are times that I'm up at night feeding Jack and I'm so tired but I'll look down and see him and all the sudden, I don't feel tired, I just feel an insane amount of love - as cheesy as that may sound. He just makes it all worth it!

So stay tuned as life continues with Josh, Jack and the girls, we are bound to have a few great stories along the way!

5 days from now..

I'm gonna be a mommy!! Holy crap when did this happen?! I think I can officially say that I am excited. That word doesn't even really seem worthy of the feelings in my heart right now. This week has flown by. Last Friday when we scheduled the c-section, I thought for sure time would grind to a stand still, but it actually hasn't. I think being off work, Josh being back to work and the girls being with their mom this week had something to do with it. Initially I'd think this scenario would have the opposite effect! However, I've been a busy bee! Pattie and I had our 2nd installment to the quilting class last night, so I spent the week (mostly at Pattie's, in the air conditioning!) finishing up my blocks. When I wasn't doing that, I was sneaking in lunches with Josh, spending way too much time at Target and running other fun errands where normally I have 3 people (who I love) less than a step behind me asking if we are done yet! So this was like a whole new world. On top of all that, our bathroom (with the only shower!) was gutted this week! You can tell we Dix's don't like dull moments. So, needless to say, the week has flown by and I can hardly believe that next Wednesday Jack will be here. I am so thrilled words can't even describe.

So to back pedal a bit I have to tell you that I am having so much fun learning how to make my first quilt. Pattie and I left class last week with the assignment to create 36 blocks. I will post pictures soon, I promise. So last night, we showed up with our blocks and began to assemble what our quilts will look like. I think everyone, self included has stereo types about quilting and who does it.. .namely... our Grandmas. Well this just totally blew that opinion out of the water for me. I looked back and forth between Pattie's table and my table where our blocks were spread out. Pattie's looked like Pattie - these frenchy bistro sophisticated gorgeous fabrics... it's stunning! Then you look at mine, which is ALL over the place, bright colors, stripes, polka dots... I absolutely love it! So while we use the same mold... you can make it however you want, whatever you want, in any way you want. It's been SO FUN!

I'm aching to show you pictures, however I am seeking refuge at Dad and Pattie's house again today... mainly because the water is off at my house for the bathroom, and it's hotter than all hell in our house this week! I promise to take pictures tonight if my camera hasn't melted beyond oblivion so you can see how the quilt is coming along!

So, I feel all over the place with excitement and I think the scatteredness of this blog reflects that today! I'll keep you posted and hopefully fill you in a few more details before the madness begins next week!! TTFN!

A Busy Bee on Maternity Leave!

So last Friday, the 2nd, marked my last day of work. WOOOHOOOO!! I had no clue how uncomfortable I would be at work towards the end here, and am so grateful to find out that I was able to take the time off of work before having Jack as well. So, I'm home! Coincidentally, Amgen has a summer shut down the week following the 4th of July, so Josh was home with me this week too, as were the girls. We had fun! Last year we made tons of plans for day trips, etc... but that wasn't really in the cards this year. So we had fun doing lots of arts and crafts around the house, movies, park visits, etc. I think the girls were just stoked to have so much time with Josh, which always warms my heart to see.

A few other rather noteworthy things happened this week. At our doctor's appointment, we made the official decision to schedule a c-section. There are lots of reasons behind it I won't bore you with but I will tell you that I left the doctor's office feeling the best I've felt emotionally in a long time. I can be honest and tell you that during this entire pregnancy I had only viewed a c-section as the "what they have to do if something doesn't go as planned" option and that is as far as my mind went. But having that become a possible reality and going thru the roller coaster of making the decision, I was immediately confident as we walked to the car that this was the right decision for Jack and I. I can't explain it other than it just feels right in my gut... and that I have slept better than I have in weeks! So I'm goin with it and not lookin back! So.... I bet you are wondering when the big day is! Assuming everything goes as planned, baby Jack's birthday will be July 21st!!! Mind you, 2 days short of being a Leo (like his mama) which I selfishly wanted, but what can you do! We are SO EXCITED I can't even tell you how impossible it feels to get thru these next 11 days!!

One thing I strategically planned for in hopes that it would offer a much needed distraction to get thru the last few days... was the quilting class! Remember? This was the class Pattie and I signed up for together about a month ago that I've been way excited to go to. Well it was this week! I started to get nervous that I was a little too confident in my very beginner sewing skills. Just looking at all of that fabric I was not convinced that someone was going to easily be able to help me make heads or tails of it. Boy was I wrong. Within minutes, the teacher was breaking it down in such a way that I saw the light! It all makes perfect sense. Now I"m not saying that mine will look perfect, I get the concept just find, the execution is what needs practice, haha! But Pattie told me something right away.. a saying she actually has on the wall above her sewing machine at home: Finished is better than perfect! So I'm keeping that mentality in mind and having a blast. I'd rather finish and see what I would want to different the next time then get frustrated and leave it half done. So far I've burned thru half of my "homework" to have finished before our follow up class next week. I'm having a blast, it's so fun!! As it starts to come together I will post pictures of my progress because lets be honest, you can't wait to see!! :)

I think that catches you up on the big things this week!! Josh goes back to work on Monday, and the girls go to their mom's tomorrow... so I'm sure I'll post again with less of a gap as the last time. Stay tuned!!

OK Brain, it's a little too late for this.

I'm closing in on my due date, and I couldn't be happier, I am so excited. So why is it that the mind games start now? In "What To Expect When Your Expecting" they pin pointed this exact thing happening to exactly right now so I'm not sure why I'm surprised, I guess I just thought, as usual these stereotypes wouldn't include me. (Wrong again!)

It started this morning, at my doctor's appointment. They were running behind so we spent a while in the waiting room. There was a woman I'd guess around 5-6 months pregnant who also had a little girl in a stroller. I am horrible guessing ages, so I'd say I'd be surprised if she was much older than 2. So being the natural nosey parker that I am, I was watching them. Mom was reading a magazine while girl was being a ham, seeing that she had my eye. Eventually she got restless (hell, we were too, they were REALLY behind) and she began crying. Don't misread me, I'm not getting a twitch from her crying, its kids, its part of life, we've dealt with the girls crying before, I'd never give a dirty look over that. So mom handed her a few things before she finally decided one would suffice... water in a sippy cup. I then watched for the next 10 minutes while she sprinkled everything around her with water... and I'm sorry, thats when I began to twitch. Mom didn't even seem to notice. So I started wondering... am I just that uptight that I would make her stop? Am I out of line for thinking that it's rude shes watering the couch, floor and magazines at the doctors office? Will my opinion change on this once Jack is born? Will just the fact that he's not crying outweigh my original thoughts of what he should or shouldn't be doing? Am I gonna be that no fun parent that says stop it to everything? My brain is going this fast when they call us back. Great, first big seed of doubt.

Next, I won't bore you with the details but my weekly check to see how things are progressing was still painful even though the ultrasound earlier in the week revealed everything is OK. It ended up getting us into a deep conversation with the doctor on the possibility of an elective C-Section. It's in my nature to share (hello, welcome to my blog) so it comforts me to hear several opinions when I'm harboring a large decision. So I start calling out to family, and admittedly am surprised. Not hurt or in disagreement, just surprised. You have your own image of yourself, everyone does - how you feel you are, how you act, etc. I've always thought I have a steady tolerance for pain, given the things I've experienced. The overwhelming consensus from just about everyone is that I in fact do not. Me? A whimp? Wait - no I'm not. I'm tough chick that can handle anything, who kills spiders and pulls monsters out from under beds and kisses booboos better. Well those are all great and true... but a lot of that is in magical fairy la la land. I don't disagree with the general public on this one I guess I just never saw myself that way and in all honesty, its disappointing. Big seed of self doubt number 2.

At the end of the day does it matter if I'm a whimp? No of course not.... is it fine to stay in my magical la la land where I kick ass and protect everyone... lol, sure! Why not? Am I going to be one of those moms who says stop it to everything.. I sure hope not.... but these are all things I have to experience to find out, so I can take these seeds of self doubt and plant them and hide behind them or I can push thru and find out for myself just how tough I am and what kind of mom I will be. Wish me luck!

A Roller Coaster Weekend

I'm tired. It felt like we dealt with a lot this past week.... some little, some big.... a lot of emotions tied to it all!

First, this was the first week of summer, which meant the girls were with us. We also were able to squeeze in a few extra days with an extra weekend so they were here for 10 days. It was awesome. However, a totally new routine for us to adjust to. Luckily they were able to spend the days up with Grandma Tino, but it still proved tricky to wake them up and get them moving in time to get us to work. It wasn't anything a little extra planning couldn't take care of, but it was definitely a new routine for us! Add to that, Kali had to go to the dentist this week. Thinking it would only be a cleaning and assessment of more dental work we knew was lurking, we asked Granny (Josh's mom) if she wouldn't mind taking her as she'd be off of work. She agreed, and we were grateful, it's been hard getting so much work off for my appointments as it is. Well, Kali ended up needing two teeth pulled right then and there. Boy did we feel like schmucks then. The next hour at work waiting to get off and go see her were torture. I felt so terrible that one of us wasn't with her and it was so hard to be stuck at work! She's a trooper and did fine though.

In addition to that, I had my now weekly doctor's appointment. This was supposed to be my first appointment to check for dialation. I laid there on the table waiting for her to come in... day dreaming about all the things she could say.. my my my loookie here, you are further along than we thought! Those kinds of wishful thinkings. Well what I didn't expect to hear was that he had turned breech, something is blocking my birth canal (sorry if that's just a tad bit TMI for you... but you can just go ahead and get over that) and I might need to start preparing myself for the idea of a c-section. In the meantime I need to go get a detailed ultrasound to find out whats up. I walked out of the appointment dizzy from the 180 my thoughts just did. I walked to the car kind of confused, but reminded myself that I heard his heart beat, saw him on the monitor.. he's healthy and fine and if it were something she was urgently worried about, she wouldn't have sent me home. My appointment for the ultra sound is tomorrow.

So.... much to my relief, the weekend came. However, step outside of my world centered around us, and a huge event was happening this weekend. My oldest sister, Katie, was getting married! Her wedding was up where she lives, in the San Jose area. It had been up in the air on whether or not I'd be able to go, given the distance and how close I am to my due date. Unfortunately last week at my doctor's appointment, she just did not feel comfortable with me traveling so I was not able to go. I had thought I had prepared myself to come to terms with this, but the day of the wedding I found myself very sad to be missing what will arguably be one of the most memorable days of her life. What ended up being pretty cool, short of being there, of course... was my other sister Amy attended the wedding and took about a million pictures with her phone, and sent me everything with play by plays of what was going on in the moment. I sat there like a blubbering fool crying over how beautiful everything looked and how pretty my sister's dress was. I am so thankful for Amy sending me all of that.

I'm guessing what happened next was a combination of a little nesting kicking in... and my compulsive need to clean and feel in control when my emotions get to the best of me. Before I knew it, I was in Jack's room sorting, organizing, finding more things that I could justify needed to be washed. I had the vacuum out and was in every corner of Jack's room getting every crumb, spec of dust you name it picked up. It wasn't until I was half way thru vacuuming the blinds - which I can say I have never ever done in my life... that I realized maybe I needed to slow down and take it easy. Ahhh.. too late. I sat down and my back immediately screamed at me. So I tried to take it easy the rest of the night.

Well, no such luck. We went to bed around 11... which as you know really means I fell asleep on the couch around 9, and Josh woke me up at 11 so I could lean on him while he helped me make my way to bed around 11. At 12:30 I woke up thinking owwww..... I'm totally about to get my period. (again, sorry for TMI but you opened the blog, not me)... then about 20 seconds later my head went wait.. that's not right. Enter false labor. For the next 10 hours or so every 10 to 30 minutes I got to experience what I'm guessing was a "way milder than the real deal" contractions felt like. Mild or not, they woke me up everytime they started up again. By the time they stopped around 10am... everything in my body ached. So we spent Sunday doing our best to be as lazy as possible and succeeded.

Anyway, thats pretty much what our weekend was about. Nothing horrific or anything like that, just a lot of emotions coming out at once.

This week is my last week of work and for THAT I am grateful! I am so tired and ready to be home! I can't believe my teddy tracker shows 30 days to go. FINALLY!

Can I have a nap now?

I have mastered...

The art of a 3 point turn around to roll over in bed.

I have a whole new appreciation for massively pregnant chicks.

My Latest Project

As you probably know, I love crafts. I've blogged before about how Pattie taught me to come to terms with the fact that it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be fun... and ever since I stopped getting upset if it looked like a 5 year old did it, I've been having fun ever since! So with my baby shower coming up, I knew I wanted to get Pattie something to say thank you for all the millions of things she's done for Jack already. It didn't take long to evolve into something I wanted to make instead. Her awesome cousin, Kristi was able to help get started in the right direction on a project idea. I procrastinated in my new found, let's blame it on the pregnancy, laziness. But last week after work, I set out to Joann's alone.. and a glorious hour later, emerged from the store with 3 bags of goodies and ideas I couldn't wait to put into motion.

As I sat on the floor (Which I later regretted when every part of me ached and the only way I could see what I was doing was to lean forward and my foot jabbed into my belly!) I realized how good it felt to have a new project again! The last oh I don't know 80 trips to Joann's in the past 3 years have been with the girls. Which - I love! But those projects are about guiding, teaching them. It's been a while since I had something to do for me, and it felt so therapeutic.

It ended up taking me a few nights to finish the project. As it came together I realized what other items I needed so I ended up back at Joann's a few times. I even enlisted help from Josh - drilling holes for me! In the end, I was so pleased with how it turned out and could not wait to give it to Pattie! So ... here it is!

It was so fun to have a project to work on again.... I'm itching to get back and start something new! Maybe with my new found free time coming up (YAY MATERNITY LEAVE STARTS SOON!) I might just have to squeeze in one more project before Jack arrives!!

My First Quilt!

Ok well I haven't made it yet, but I'm so excited! As you may remember I mentioned that for Mother's Day I made Pattie a certificate saying that I wanted to take a quilting class with her. In the past couple of years, Pattie has gone full speed ahead into the quilting world and made some adorable things!! I'll admit when she first told me she was getting into it, it didn't grab my interest because like most people I associated quilting with my grandma, and flowery old fashioned fabric. Well Pattie very quickly opened my eyes to how cool you can make things... and thats the best part - you can choose to make it look however you want. There's no wrong choice! So for a while now I've been itching to give it a try..... then top off my good fortune that Dad and Pattie gave me an awesome sewing machine for Christmas, as well as a bunch of quilter's basic tools... and I've been ready to go!



So this last Sunday, Pattie and I headed over to Cotton and Chocolate.. her favorite (and adorable, hello look at the name) quilt shop. They have a series of classes offered each quarter.. some covered in a few hours in one day.. some spanning over several. Just depends on how big of a quilt you want to make. What I really liked is that for every class offered, they have a quilt hanging in the store to show you what it looks like. So theres no question, you know exactly what you are making. We settled on a quilt called pint sized polka dots. The class is a Thursday night (now you know Pattie loves me if she's willing to take a class that goes until 9pm LOL) the first week of July. I think it will be a perfect distraction for me to work on the weeks before Jack's here and I'm off of work! Anyway, Pattie asked if I wanted to pick out my fabric now, and this is when I got excited. I had no idea this would be the best part so far! We had so much fun!! I am in shock of how much fabric we had to pick out. Now of course if I had found a honeybun (This is what a honeybun looks like) that I liked, it would have eliminated the need to pick out quite so many individual pieces, but they only had a few choices.



After what was probably an hour later, this is what we walked away with! (Sorry for the bad pic, I was lazy and used my phone, at night.. bad lighting!)




Everything is a bit brighter than the picture projects. I am so excited to go to the class and am so bummed it's a month away! But I'm sure this month will go so fast! I am so curious how they are going to teach me to turn that pile of fabric into a quilt! I will keep you posted!

Well it finally happened....

Someone asked me if I was carrying twins.

Thats right up there with hearing "wow you must be due any day now" when you've still got 2 months to go. I haven't heard that yet, but now I'm not as hopeful that I won't!