Acceptance

So as I'm sitting here with an hour to go to finish my first week back at work, I think I've finally accepted that this is my new reality. As much as I want to kick and scream to not have to be here and spend this precious time with Jack, I understand that I can't. I also understand I'm not the first, or the last parent to go thru this, and if they have all survived .... chances are I can too!

All in all actually being at work wasn't so bad. The days went fairly fast (except for today.. dang Fridays.) I will admit it was when I was home that it would kind of overwhelm me. I'd look at Jack and my heart just feels like someone is squeezing it in a not nice way when I think about just how badly I actually missed him that day. Thursday was the hardest because I went to see Phantom of the Opera (more on that in a bit) and essentially didn't see him all day. I came home, picked him off of Josh (they were snuggled up on the couch waiting for me to come home) and just cried while I held him. I think though you have to go thru these motions in order to get past them. So I try not to think to hard about it at work, so I can keep it together. I'm ok with sitting in the dark, on the couch, holding my sleeping baby and letting the tears flow for a minute. I know it will be ok!

I looked around the house for a minute this morning and just thought... My God. What happened? When I was home all day, I'd pat myself on the back for being able to multi task while being with Jack and still keeping the house in check. Well, that went out the window. Trying to create a new routine including baby and work... a little harder than I thought. I'm shocked at how fast the days go. Even with all the planning in the world the night before, the mornings are rushed and chaotic... and by mid week we were so exhausted that the planning the night before wasn't really happening, so those mornings were even more mayhem. Add to that, our week was a little out of the ordinary anyway. Wednesday Josh and I took a half day off of work to head down to Long Beach for Back to School Night. The girls have tough teachers this year, I'm excited for them though, it will be interesting to see how they react to teachers that keep them in check! So it was a late night getting home Wednesday. Then, as I mentioned earlier Thursday, Amy and I went to see Phantom of the Opera. O.M.G. .. it was A-MAZING!!! It was everything I'd hoped it would be!! However, what I had not hoped for was the 101 being shut down from an accident and Amy and I sitting there not moving for 40 minutes. That meant I didn't crawl into bed until a quarter to one. This all equals a very tired Megan. No rest for the weary though... as I write this Josh is on his way home from picking up the girls for the weekend... and since we get so little time with them, we end up jamming quite a bit into the time we do have.... never a dull moment!

So.... this is my reality and there may be parts I wish I could change but I think its important to always have things to strive for, otherwise you'd stop having that drive to work hard everyday. So right now, my goal is to get into a job where I can join the flex (work from home) program at work. I'll be excited to see what my next goal will end up being after that one! Wish me luck!