Wait.. no! This Sucks!

I can officially say it is awful being back at work. I mean that in no offense to my work people because all my complaining aside, I actually have a really good work environment... it's just still slow. (To give you an idea I was caught up on all my e-mails from being gone for nearly 3 months before lunch on my first day back.) But oh. my. god. I miss Jack. It's different than anything else I've ever missed before. I feel like my heart is literally breaking. Specially since, I was so caught up in how painful it was for me, it really didn't dawn on me that he'd have an adjustement period too. He doesn't seem to be able to get into a good deep sleep yet this week and the result is, we get home, he gets comfortable and passes out. NO! I just got home! Stay awake! Lets play! Oh it kills me. I cried for days leading up to going back. It suprised me that while at work, I seem to be OK. It's when I'm with him again that all the emotions come back up. I went to go say good night to him one more time last night and just burst into tears... I changed a mear 2 diapers... fed him one... ONE bottle that day. It just doesn't feel right at all. I know this is part of life and I'm not the first, nor the last parent to deal with this. But frankly, that doesn't soften the blow one ioda!

So since I can't change that... I'm trying to focus on why I'm at work, in the literal sense. One day Josh and I want to be able to buy a home... if I advance out of my position one day I'll be (and hopefully Josh will be, too) eligble for the flex program, which allows you to work half the week from home, which would mean we could be with Jack more, and if the girls came to school here, we could be there in the afternoons with them. We work for our lives with our familes... Christmas presents, summer vacations, college funds... I've got to focus on the big picture here, and hopefully it will make the time I am with Jack that much more special.