Let the worrying begin.... I sense a long road with this one.

Ask any parent, and they will tell you that from the minute their child is born, you'll never stop worrying about them. I had no idea how true this would be. It's not like a constant state of fear... but he is 100% always in the back of my mind. I've patted myself on the back up until now because I feel I've been pretty level headed about things. I haven't had sleepless nights where I am sneaking into his room 100 times to check that he's breathing or anything like that. Then I had this dream - nightmare the other night, and it has changed everything.

In the dream, I was giving Jack a bath just like we do now. He has a mesh baby tub, so we fill our tub up with just enough water that he can dab his toes into it while he sits in his bath. However, in the dream for some stupid reason I left the bathroom while he was in it and when I came back he was floating in the water. I was screaming for Josh but he couldn't hear me. I grabbed Jack, ran to find Josh and he smacked Jack on his back and his eyes popped open but they were black and glossy. It still gives me the chills to picture it. I woke up screaming Josh's name. Even now, days later, I feel a pain my chest just imagining this happening. Even though I know it was just a dream, it makes me feel sick thinking about it. Well, ever since this dream, I have caught myself having unrealistic worry moments about him. At night, I've not been sleeping well because my eyes pop open and I'm convinced I just heard something on the baby monitor and then I sit there in silence staring at the little green light waiting to see if it waivers. This is just getting ridiculous. He's fine and I need to realize that. I refuse to turn into one of those paranoid moms who refuses to have a toaster in the house because it causes more deaths per year than shark attacks. (apparently this is true!)

I'll deal with legit worries.. first day of school, first day he drives, first day he gets his heart broken... those are ones you sorta have to go through, they are like notches in life. Hopefully I can return to my level-headedness soon.. I'm too tired already to not be sleeping at night!!